When it comes to weeks 33 and on of pregnancy, however, I am a first-timer. For the first time I am experiencing the joys of crazy swollen feet and fingers, discomfort everywhere, the impossible task of picking anything up off the floor or tying shoes (partially because I can't reach, partially because my feet are so swollen I'd rather leave them untied), the challenges of rolling over in bed.... as anyone who has gone full term with a baby knows... the list goes on and on. But with all of these less desirable experiences, I am also feeling for the first time, that feeling of knowing exactly which body part of Baby is where. The movements are so strong and so distinct, I have a clear image of what he is doing in there. I know when he is awake and when he is sleeping. I know when he has the hiccups and when he is stretching. Big, distinct movements are definitely something new for me, and I love it.
In these final weeks I have also realized how close we were to the finish line with Sofia. Time seems to fly once you hit 33 weeks. We were SO close to full term with her, which is a tough reality to swallow. Just last night however, I was thanking God for taking her when He did, just before the pains and discomforts of the third trimester really set in. My pregnancy with her ended in the honeymoon stages. I wanted to be pregnant forever. I loved every minute of it. Today I am thankful to be at this point in pregnancy, and I have enjoyed the ride, but I am also so ready for him to just be here, and for my body to slowly start to feel somewhat normal again.
So, let the countdown to welcoming Joaquin begin!
While I am enjoying this pregnancy, there are many things that have made it tougher to enjoy. Most are obvious, pregnancy after loss reasons, others are new challenges that I've had to face with this pregnancy. Let me tell you, it does not matter what you've been through, there are no free passes!
Why I am ready for him NOW:
- Being pregnant after a loss is terrifying, every minute of every day. The first 20 weeks are the toughest, but after that it doesn't get much easier. Even when you feel Baby move constantly, your mind can go to dark places about what could or might happen. No statistic keeps you feeling safe. You know what it is like to be in the 1%. It may not sound like a lot, but once you fall there, you know that the odds may not always be in your favor.
- Numerous doctor appointments I must say that I am so glad I am being monitored more closely. I think going more than a week without seeing a doctor would have me in an anxiety-ridden panic most of the time. However, tending to so many appointments is exhausting. Since about 28 weeks we have gone to at least one appointment a week, sometimes two or three appointments in one day (with different doctors). While it is great reassurance that everything is going well, it is time consuming. It takes us away from work, it interferes with our usual weekday routines, it is just exhausting. In fact, having so many appointments is what really inspired us to do our babymoon. It was during those days we could just focus on each other and on Baby, without having to worry about scheduling, attending, or financing various appointments. Juan has been such an amazing supporter through all of this, as he too has been to every appointment. I am so grateful for him, and for my colleagues at work, who make it possible for me to be at these appointments while my students remain in good hands.
- Blood Sugar Luckily, I do not have Gestational Diabetes. However, I've been told that I have a "temporary, minor glucose intolerance" and because of my history, they are monitoring me as if I have GD. I thought my OB was going to cry when she shared this news with me. "As if you need more to worry about" she told me. Like I said... no free passes. So yes, I have been poking my finger 4 times a day to monitor my sugars and meeting with a dietitian regularly. Thankfully, my numbers have been good and I haven't had to change what I eat much. In fact, I've been pushed to eat more (which is exhausting... what teacher has time to eat multiple snacks all day long?!?!) and just spread my fruits and carbs out during the day and go walking every night. It is exhausting though. I have big respect for women with full blown GD. Having to think about everything you eat, how much of it, when you eat it, what you eat it with, etc. is exhausting. Just another thing to add to the list of things to do... meet with OB, meet with specialist, meet with dietitian, match every fruit or carb with a protein, eat high carb/protein snacks four times a day, pack said snacks for work every day, poke finger and take blood 4 times a day- at particular times, go on a 30+ minute walk every night, remember to take prenatal vitamins.... oh yes and do all of those other baby-prep/nesting tasks too.... and go to work. Needless to say, I am pooped.
This week we had an appointment with the specialist. Joaquin is looking perfectly healthy, and measuring slightly big. At 34 weeks, he is already almost 6 pounds! Our doctor said that depending on his growth over the next three weeks, they will determine whether or not they let me go a full 40 weeks. This made me so happy. As much as I want to enjoy the ride, if I can get a healthy baby in my arms sooner than that, I will be delighted! I'm hoping that if they do make me go early they just induce me, but depending on his size, there is a possibility of a C-section (not my ideal choice, but hey, if it gets him here healthy, I will take it!). After throwing my arms in the air and cheering in the patient's chair it hit me... he could be here in 4 weeks! Then the excitement and panic of "Oh wow we have a lot to do" set in. It is mostly excitement though. I know we will be as ready as we can be when he gets here. We will be first time bringing-a-baby-home parents, and you can never be fully ready for that... so bring him on! We are waiting eagerly for you, Joaquin! We will do our best to have your clothes washed and essentials purchased, but no matter what we have and don't have ready, our hearts are ready more than you know. Can't wait to kiss your cheeks little (big) guy! (and if you're here before Thanksgiving, Mama may get to have mashed potatoes and pie after all! woohoo).
See you soon, Baby Boy!
