So glad we didn't cancel Christmas

So glad we didn't cancel Christmas!

I really did not know if I could handle Christmas this year.  Christmas is easily my favorite time of year. I absolutely love the magic and excitement of the season. You can find me decorating our place for Christmas as early as Thanksgiving weekend, and shopping for gifts much sooner than that. This year, I was especially excited. This would be our last Christmas as a family of two. I loved the sound of that, and had visions of our little sugarplum dancing in my head. My favorite thing about Christmas is the wonder and joy it brings to little ones, and soon we would begin to witness that wonder and joy in our own little one. Every day I thought about what Christmas would be like with her next year, and for all the years to come. Enjoying the lights, singing Christmas songs and dancing around the house, baking and decorating Christmas cookies, decorating the tree, (even if it meant only decorating the top half when she was little and curious), so many wonderful traditions to continue and new memories to make. While debating whether or not we had the strength to join our family and friends for Christmas celebrations this year, I had to somehow be okay with letting go of these dreams of Christmas with Sofia. While it was not (and still is not) easy to do, I found some comfort in thinking of what Christmas could be like in heaven. Then I remembered our family and friends who are up there with her, and I made some requests.

I don't know what heaven is like, but if I had it my way, this is how Sofia spent Christmas this year. 

"Auntie" Charlotte baked and decorated cookies with her.
Jasmine sang and danced to Christmas songs with her.
Uncle Larry taught her how to build a snowman.
Mrs. Blakely read her The Polar Express.
Tio Humberto took her to see the most beautiful Christmas trees and lights.
Mr. Friemann played Santa Claus and held her on his knee. 
Her great and great-great grandparents all spoiled her with love.

And with these thoughts, I realized Christmas could not be cancelled. Our Sofie is in good hands, and there is a lot to celebrate here. This year, we became parents, and thus experienced the deepest kind of love there is, the same love our God has for us. Such a deep love, that he sent His son to love and guide us, and that should be celebrated. And so we did.... with friends... with both sides of the family... we celebrated. When Juan asked me my favorite part of Christmas this year, I answered, "The hugs. I didn't realize I needed all of those hugs." 

And so we did it, we survived our first Christmas since the loss of our sweet baby girl. I can't help but wonder when Christmases will be easier to get through without her.  We can only pray and see what God has in store for the Llamas Family in 2015.

The candle we lit at Christmas Mass

We love you, Sofia. Merry Christmas!