Blessings to Celebrate from 2014

 "You guys are so strong."

"How are you guys so strong?"

We hear these words often lately.  We don't always feel very strong, and we too look back on December 18th and wonder, "How are we still here? How are we going to continue to get through this?"  There are no easy answers to these questions, but the way I see it is that every day we have a choice. We can choose to stay in bed, cry, and dwell on what could have been, or we can get out of bed, wipe up our tears and find hope and peace in what IS and what will be. Trust me, this choice is not an easy one to make, and some days I find I have to make this choice several times a day, but I will do it. Between the tears, I will choose to count our blessings.

Blessings to Celebrate from 2014

• Juan and I both had a great year professionally.  He opened a new YMCA at the Wellness Center at the Historic General Hospital, and I started coaching an apprentice teacher. We both traveled quite a bit for work as well, reigniting our passions for the work that we do, and becoming better masters in our crafts. 
• When the time was right for us to start building a family, we learned that we can (and did) conceive. So many couples struggle to conceive, and we are grateful that our bodies allowed us to get one step closer to our dream of a family.
• I had an amazing pregnancy. Friends, coworkers, and even my doctor commented on how my body was made to grow babies. I was told I made pregnancy look easy and every check-up showed signs of a healthy baby.  I loved being pregnant, and my body seemed to be doing everything it needed to for baby to grow and for me to remain healthy and feeling good.
• We started living a healthier life. In baby's best interest (and because I am a worrier), I switched us over to organic produce and organic cleaning products. I even changed most of my beauty products. We ate a very balanced diet, filled with powerful pregnancy foods.  Juan even joined me in quitting coffee completely! While I learned I cannot control everything nature will throw at me during subsequent pregnancies, we have decided that these lifestyle changes benefited Sofia, and will continue to benefit us and our future babies. We will continue following these healthier life choices. 
• We were blessed with a baby girl. Both of our families were long overdue for a new little lady, so we were all overjoyed when we found out Baby Llamas was a girl! We had so much fun sharing the news of our little one and enjoyed shopping for adorable outfits and decorating her room.
• We became parents. Each day came with new excitements and the occasional new fear.  We learned the feeling of unconditional love. Who would have thought we could love someone so small, in such a short amount of time? For 32 weeks we fell more in love with her, and with each other, and continue to do so as we learn from her and what we have experienced.
• Upon delivering Sofia, we learned that the cause of her passing was an umbilical cord accident. This brought us some relief. It was not a genetic disorder. It was not a virus. It was not a chromosome problem. It was nothing that could have been prevented, detected, nor fixed. It was an accident. I did not cause it. My body did not cause it. The environment did not cause it. Genetics did not cause it. It was an accident. 
• Since her delivery, we have done some research and learned that the cause of death is left unknown in more than half of all stillbirths.  Although it was heartbreaking to see her umbilical cord twisted so tightly at the base of her belly, we are grateful that the cause of her death was so clear. Knowing the cause helps us have closure, heal, and have hope for the future. (We still do not know why the cord got so twisted. That is something we may never know. There is not much research on the subject, and we are still waiting for lab results from the blood that they drew that day. All we know is babies move around a lot in the womb, and our little dancer loved to twirl.)
• We are surrounded by love. Our parents. Our siblings. Our grandparents. Our aunts and uncles. Our cousins. Our friends. Our coworkers. Our acquaintances. Our doctor and nurses. Friends from years ago. Friends of friends. Complete strangers. We are surrounded by love. Every phone call, every Facebook message, every card, every text, every prayer, every flower, every gift, every meal, and every hug has held us up and pushed us along this path of healing. People have opened up and shared their own stories with us, giving us strength and hope. People have thanked us for sharing our story, which reminds us that we are on this journey together. People have not only reached out to us, but to our families, bringing comfort and spreading love. What great reminders that we are not alone.
• We have been given new wisdom. We have learned more than I can put into words here. About ourselves as individuals, about us as a couple, about our priorities, goals, and values. About life and how precious it is. She has taught us these things. With this new wisdom, we will live better lives. Sofia has changed our perspective, and for this we are forever grateful.
• We have a deepened faith. I always thought an experience like this would shatter my faith, yet somehow, I continue to turn toward God to get us through this. In fact, I do believe that our day with Sofia brought me closer to Him. He was in that room that day and has blessed me with His grace and held me in His arms each and every day since then.  With that, we continue to be faithful.

Sofia: wisdom

Fe: faith

Llamas: flames

She truly is our flame of wisdom and faith, our greatest gift of 2014.

With all of this and more to celebrate from 2014, we look to 2015 with great hope and excitement and believe there will, once again, be much to celebrate.

Happy New Year!